UK Health Care Fail, Take Two

Sorry to be MIA, I've been on vacation and then sick (perhaps because it's still so cold and wet here that we need our heat on at the end of May).  Anonymous Dad suggested I go for a strep test so I called the only private hospital around for an appointment (all the while reminding myself to bring my own robe).  After calling five times and getting the answering machine, I left a message asking if I could come in for a strep test.  An hour later the receptionist phoned back to tell me that:

1. The doctor would be happy to see me but they don't do strep tests.
2. For a strep test, I would need to go to a pharmacist and no prescription/referral would be required.

Even better.  I politely declined an appointment and phoned the pharmacy at the biggest Boots in town.

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Boots' Pharmacist: "I'm sorry we don't do those here.  I'm not aware of any Boots that does.  I would suggest calling an independent pharmacy."
Me: "Thanks, I'll try that."

Independent Pharmacy #1:

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Independent Pharmacy #1: "I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Me:  "Do you know of any pharmacy that does?"
Independent Pharmacy #1: "No, sorry."

Independent Pharmacy #2:

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Independent Pharmacy #2: "I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Me:  "Do you know of any pharmacy that does?"
Independent Pharmacy #2: "No, sorry."

Independent Pharmacy #3:

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Independent Pharmacy #3: "I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Me:  "Do you know of any pharmacy that does?"
Independent Pharmacy #3: "No, sorry."

Independent Pharmacy #4:

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Independent Pharmacy #4: "I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Me:  "Do you know of any pharmacy that does?"
Independent Pharmacy #4: "No, sorry."

Independent Pharmacy #5:

Me: "Hi, can I schedule a time to come in for a strep test?"
Independent Pharmacy #5: "I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Me:  "Do you know of any pharmacy that does?"
Independent Pharmacy #5: "No, sorry."
Me: "Is there anyone else there you can check with?  I've called six pharmacies already."
Independent Pharmacy #5: "Sure, just hold for a second...I'm sorry, nobody knows of any pharmacy that does strep tests.  Your best bet would be the private hospital."
Me: "They're the ones that referred me to a pharmacy!"

United Kingdom, in some ways you're awesome (24 hour grocery stores, beautiful scenery, great whiskey, Cadbury) but in a lot of ways you absolutely suck (healthcare, weather, fog lights).

On that note, please excuse me while I self-medicate with whiskey.  It 1. kills germs and 2. warms me up.  A win win solution.