Friday, January 27, 2012

Why Australia Isn’t Really a First World Country

Today I enjoyed a lunch time trek to my ‘local’ post office to pick up a package that the Australia Post was unable to deliver to my home.  In fairness, it was too large to go through my mail slot.  The package however was not too large to be left with my building’s 24 hour reception.  Apparently I have lots of free time to do the mailman’s job and go to the post office that is open from 9-5, Monday through Friday and is located nowhere near my house or my office.

Alas, half an hour after leaving my office, I had package in hand and asked to file an official complaint against the mailman / Australia Post.  For the umpteenth time in two years, I received no first notice that I had a missed delivery / package waiting for pick-up, only the final notice.  And the final notice was pre-dated a day when it arrived in my mailbox.  The woman at the post office told me that final notices are actually mailed through the post, and not delivered by the mailman in lieu of the package if they fail to find you at home a second time.  Which means that yes, Australia Post does not try to deliver your package more than once.  Postage here should really be called a ‘storage / DIY pick-up fee.’

Apparently I was supposed to be grateful that unlike my last package, this one wasn’t immediately returned to sender without any attempt or notice at delivery (a separate complaint was filed multiple times for that, to absolutely no avail).  I was also supposed to be grateful that the final notice was delivered to my mailbox instead of to one of my neighbour’s mailboxes (yes, that has happened multiple times) or the floor of the apartment building foyer (yes, that has also happened multiple times).

Since the Australia Post can’t seem to manage to do their job, I think I’ll stop doing the job that inadvertently fell to me when H & I moved into our Perth home two years ago…returning all of the mail of prior tenants to sender.  Because in Australia, it costs money to forward mail or change your address and in the fair go spirit, none of the dozen or so former tenants of our apartment felt the need to do this.

Australia Post should be ashamed of itself.  In Qatar we literally didn’t have an address, just a landmark that we lived near, yet somehow all of our mail got delivered there.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Security Shout Out

The security guard at my office may slightly abuse his access to the e-mail address that distributes e-mail office wide.  His latest notice was the below:

"G'day all,

Would the owner of a lime green ute, rego xxxx xx, kindly remove their vehicle from the SMALL CAR ONLY parking bay.  Small car in English means SMALL CAR ONLY, not medium or large.

Ta."


Excuse me Mr. Security Guard, can you please tell me what SMALL CAR ONLY means in Australian?


Ta,
Anonymous Expat




Monday, January 23, 2012

Reason #1,203 Why I’m Sure That H Loves When I Interrupt Him at Work


Because I send messages like the below:

Wife, Anonymous [3:01 PM]: I might be trying and failing dramatically at not making ridiculously sad faces.

H [3:04 PM]: What happened?

Wife, Anonymous [3:05 PM]: My favourite apartment is rented…goodbye beautiful new home.  We will live in a cardboard box full of down and soft things and photographs.  All will be ok.  We can prop our umbrellas on top of the box to prevent rain leaks.

H [3:07 PM]: Hiiii.  I’m sure we will find someplace else that is nice to live.

Wife, Anonymous [3:10 PM]: I know; I just e-mailed one of the hotels to find out how much it costs to live in their penthouse for a year.

Oh yes, did I mention that we’re moving?  Despite the fact that we don’t have an official relocation date, I am already house hunting.  Because obviously rental homes stay available until H and I are ready to move in.  Right?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Border Patrol

Sometimes I can’t believe where I work.  Border Patrol is discussed as animatedly in the kitchen as the latest cricket match.  Speaking of Border Patrol, when H and I got back from our vacation last month, there were signs up in customs warning that Border Patrol was filming and we could be on camera.  Very sadly we passed through customs only to find that no cameras were filming.

If they were, they would have found us with our bag of potential contraband.  We had to declare our wooden board game, made in Norway (serious high risk of pests), a chocolate bar, and two granola bars that we had purchased in Australia.  There must be a million other things that would be a better use of the Perth customs agents’ time.

The agent inspecting our items asked us if we’d been to Australia before.  What did he think, that we normally keep a bag of wood and food at the ready for customs checks?  He also could have read our customs form where we checked the box that reads, "resident returning to Australia."

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Back to the '80s

Sometimes I forgot where I am when I wake up.  But I've never had cause to question what year it is until today.  At this morning's safety meeting, my manager shared how she made a non-alcoholic party punch for her New Year's Eve party that really helped her guests cut back on how much alcohol they consumed.  She said she used her recipe from the 1980s and it was a huge hit.

Following the meeting, I walked back to my office and passed a woman wearing these in black:


Since when do they make shoes with Koosh balls on them???