I'm Sorry, I Thought It Was Raining

Today I went to a full day of company mandated driving school to learn safe driving for off road environments.  Did someone say doughnuts, oversteering, understeering and emergency braking instead of excel?  Yes please!  The morning was great despite sharing a sedan with four fairly large men.  After lunch (and by lunch I mean averting my eyes while all the guys ate cold meat pies off the lunch truck), we left the training center for some off road driving. 

I took over driving the white land cruiser (sans flames, after all it is Australia, not Qatar) in a parking lot about twenty minutes from the city.  My first task was to indicate while pulling out of the parking spot.  I buckled my seat belt, adjusted the mirrors, started the engine, put the car in drive, reached my hand up to turn the blinkers on, and promptly started the windshield wipers.  Oh yes, I totally forgot that non-European cars in Australia have the windshield wipers and blinkers on reverse sides of the steering wheel.

I apologized to the instructor, explaining that in case he couldn’t tell from my accent, I’m American and used to the blinkers being on the left side of the steering wheel.  Furthermore I explained, my car in Australia is European and has the blinkers on the left side of the steering wheel.  I then apologized to the rear of the car, explaining how not only am I relatively new at driving on the opposite side of the road (left turn into near lane, right turn into far lane), I also have never driven such a large car.  Let’s just say that they all double checked that their seatbelts were securely fastened.

Luckily, it was all uphill from there and the instructor told me that I passed with flying colors, even not taking into account that I’m a newbie at driving on the opposite side of the road.  Now if only M would let me order a frame so I can display my shiny new certificate on my office wall…clearly a DTEC 6 Certificate belongs alongside my diploma.

Hello My Name is Anonymous Expat and I Am Not an Alcoholic

Today I met with my manager (M) for my full-year review.  It was going well, with good feedback, high ratings, and great ideas for next year when to wrap up the discussion, M asked how I’m doing in Australia as a ‘work widow.’  He asked if I have a good support network here and wanted to make sure that I’m not keeping company with a bottle of gin?!?

Maybe this is a weird Aussie way to show interest in employees’ personal lives?  Maybe I should have said yes, but it’s not my husband’s work / life balance that drives me to drink, but my own poor work / life balance due to the ridiculous hours my group is demanded to work.  Perhaps that would have gotten me some time off?

I’m just trying to figure out why M would ever think that unless it was just him being awkward talking about something not work related.  Especially as I:

• Didn’t put forth as a safety share what a good idea pocket breathalyzers are to check whether or not you should be driving home from after work drinks (as another manager in my group actually suggested).
• Didn’t attend the group holiday party where I was told that all of my colleagues drank near their body weights in cheap tequila and danced on the pool table by the bar en masse, in front of the company CFO.
•  Have never come to work hung over or smelling of alcohol (per some Australian colleagues).  Actually, I have never even been hung over in Australia.
• Haven’t come back pissed (aka drunk) from a work lunch with external participants (per some Australian managers).
• Never have more than one or two beers at work happy hours.  Clearly if I don't drink in excess with my coworkers on a weekly basis, it must mean that I drink in excess by myself because no one in WA can drink in moderation.

Maybe you’ve been watching too many episodes of Packed to the Rafters M but my name is Anonymous Expat and I am not an alcoholic.  And if I was, my drink of choice certainly wouldn’t be gin.

Australian Headlines

Every week at work we have a meeting that starts with a series of safety shares.  Through these I have learned about some of Australia's deadliest animals, including snakes, spiders and sharks.  Some safety shares are about the latest beach to be closed from a shark spotting while others talk about the latest deadly insect that they've been seeing an abundance of in their gardens.  One share involved my manager telling everybody how he had steered slightly out of his way to run over a snake in the road.  He thought he was doing his town a favor, since he was driving by a playground.  A lengthy discussion ensued as to whether or not he had helped or harmed the community as other snakes might fight over the new territory and become more aggressive.

Stories like these aren't uncommon, as evidenced by some of the latest local headlines:

• A Darwin schoolgirl reached into her backpack to find a snake, luckily a non-venomous variety.
•  A man working on his computer at home, barefoot, was bitten on his toe by a western brown snake and killed.

No wonder we see signs like these everywhere: 

That photograph was taken during my recent visit to Cape Leeuwin, a lighthouse on the most south-westerly point of Australia, where the Indian Ocean meets the Southern Ocean.  After paying admission for the grounds, the groundsman pulled out a series of photographs of snakes that can be found on the property, including the deadliest snake in Australia.  Great way to kick-off the visit!