What Not to Do

When someone in a superior position to you at work sends you a text message that reads,

"Have a great time in AMS!  Make sure you only go to museums and not [] [] shops []."

Don't immediately write back,

"Thanks!  Plan on doing a bit of both :)"

Before saying to H, "Wow, Anonymous Boss must be happy today.  He sent me three smiley faces in his vacation text."

Otherwise you might run the risk of H saying, "Let me see.  What smiley faces?"

And me responding, "Oh, my supermarket branded phone doesn't register emoticons from an iPhone."

So H, being the wise man that he is, forwards the message to his iPhone to find that the message actually reads,

"Have a great time in AMS!  Make sure you only go to museums and not ☕ shops ."

Epic fail = telling your boss you're going to smoke 'a bit of pot' while in AMS and visit museums, particularly when you plan on doing absolutely none of the former, unless coffee shops = diamond shops or home decor shops.

No further comment.

Happy March 27th

Please excuse me while I go put on this

and these

to go out in the multiple inches of snow that fell overnight.

This week in Doha, it's forecast to be a high of 95° and a low of 68°.  In Perth, it's forecast to be a high of 88° and low of 59°.   In both places, the forecast is showing unrestricted sunshine.

And here?  We're showing a high of 45° and a low of 30° with snow showers/rain all week.

While I don't regret moving here for a second, today I really wish that I could be relaxing on the beach in Australia, or even compound poolside in Qatar, instead of trudging through the snow.  One day I am going to get myself a pair of snowshoes to get around town here; in the meantime, I'll be browsing for a hot vacation destination ASAP.

Paris Loves Me

During my last trip to Paris, I was standing on the Champs Elysees waiting for Cartier to open.  It just happened to be the day of Francois Hollande's inauguration and the street was covered in police and there were snipers atop of the Arc de Triomphe.  As the clock ticked past 10:30, I started to wonder if the store was going to delay its opening for the inauguration.  Meanwhile, the police standing nearby were starting to worry why I was still standing on the corner.  In French they demanded,

"Why are you loitering on this corner?"

"Umm, I'm waiting for Cartier to open."

"Hmm," they looked at one another before deciding, "ok, that's ok.  Carry on." 

First I get accused of stroller theft / child forgetting then I get viewed as a terrorist threat for 'loitering' outside of Cartier.  It's not like terrorists shop at Cartier...oh wait, Gaddafi did.

Border Patrol

Sometimes I can’t believe where I work.  Border Patrol is discussed as animatedly in the kitchen as the latest cricket match.  Speaking of Border Patrol, when H and I got back from our vacation last month, there were signs up in customs warning that Border Patrol was filming and we could be on camera.  Very sadly we passed through customs only to find that no cameras were filming.

If they were, they would have found us with our bag of potential contraband.  We had to declare our wooden board game, made in Norway (serious high risk of pests), a chocolate bar, and two granola bars that we had purchased in Australia.  There must be a million other things that would be a better use of the Perth customs agents’ time.

The agent inspecting our items asked us if we’d been to Australia before.  What did he think, that we normally keep a bag of wood and food at the ready for customs checks?  He also could have read our customs form where we checked the box that reads, "resident returning to Australia."

Buddha's Head, Lost and Found

H and I had a wonderful guide to show us around Angkor Watt during our vacation.  He gave us a great overview of Cambodian history and the modern day country and provided a wealth of information on the histories of the temples we visited.  We learned all about the kings who built each complex, how the temples were constructed and adorned, the temple sculptures, the scenes depicted in the temple carvings, Hinduism and Buddhism, looting, and conservation works. 

While inside the main Angkor Watt complex, we passed by one of the many headless Buddha statues.  Our guide solemnly explained how many looters cut the heads off of statues they found in Angkor Watt as the heads were much easier to transport than the full statue while still retaining a lot of the detail of the sculpture.  But he went on to say, this head had recently been found in Australia.  What?  H and I looked at him in surprise while he caught H’s eye and nodded his head towards the statue.  A little slow on the uptake, he prompted us once again by saying, “go on, give Buddha a new head,” and encouraged H to stand behind the statue while he prodded me to take photos of the newly restored Buddha.

Ha!  Maybe he thought we were starting to get distracted and wanted to make sure we were still paying attention.  I’d love to see an album of photographs of tourists who were prompted to do the same thing.  While this Buddha temporarily had a new head, later on in the trip, we found a courtier who had acquired a new hat.

I’m happy to see that people find their own way to interact with and enjoy history.

Excited [Insert Word(s) Here] Game

On vacation, H and I were introduced to the Excited Roller Coaster Game.  We had read about it for months prior to departing for our trip and spent an insane amount of time trying to guess what it could be.  All we knew was the name and that it was at a waterfall.  My best guess was that perhaps it was some kind of marginally safe barrel ride down the waterfall à la Pippi Longstocking.  Finally the big day arrived and we saw that it was this:

It was a kind of alpine slide ride down to the base of a waterfall and incredibly fun partially for the surprise factor, partially for the awesome name and partially because I haven’t been on any kind of roller coaster type ride in years.  And the fun didn’t stop on the way down; after we finished touring the waterfall, we climbed back into our cars to get towed up the mountain.  My lazy legs rejoiced!

H and I couldn’t let the Excited Roller Coaster Game end there so we decided to carry the theme through the rest of our vacation.  We had:

• Excited Street Crossing Game
• In some cities, street crossing is quite a risky business.  We were advised by our local guide to walk, never run, at a slow, even pace across the street and motorists would steer around us.  H and I quickly learned that while that is true for motorbikes, engaging in Exciting Street Crossing Game against cars and buses is quite a different story.  While we gradually progressed from level one tuk-tuks and cyclos to level fifteen buses, it wasn’t without some nervous moments.  One of our favorite Excited Street Crossing moments was following another pair of tourists (who raised their hands and took baby steps) across a very busy intersection.  Score: 150 points and a bonus life.

• Excited Dinner Table Conversation Game
•  H and I sat down to lunch one day at a table a few inches away from another English speaking, American couple.  Overhearing their conversation we deduced that they were on an outing from their cruise ship and locked eyes, determined to enjoy lunch and conversation between the two of us.  Unsurprisingly, as soon as English left our lips, they pounced and asked us where we were from.  Australia we replied, and that they believed it despite our very non-Australian accents made us even more pleased that we were able to end the conversation almost as quickly as it had begun.  Seeing that they were continuing to eavesdrop on our conversation, H and I quickly began talking about unusual topics in abbreviated language.  We were rewarded in our endeavours when our $3Bn train conversation got a barely muffled, “Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?!” exclamation exchanged between the couple at the neighboring table.  LNG, obviously!
• Excited Dinner Table Conversation Game can be played two ways: you can either initiate bizarre conversation to confuse unwitting eavesdroppers or eavesdrop on bizarre conversations from your neighbors.  A few nights later, H and I were witnesses to excited domestic conflict game when a seemingly benign dinner table conversation between our neighbors resulted in one asking the other why she even married him and storming off for twenty minutes.  Pretty awkward considering we were confined to a 55m long boat together for the next 24 hours.

• Excited Missing Dragon Fruit Game
• The next morning, before departing from the aforementioned boat, we were asked to leave our cabin doors open starting from about 45 minutes prior to docking so that our luggage could be removed and our rooms could be checked over.  H and I came back to our room after spending some time on the balcony to find a strange woman sitting in our chair.  After trying in multiple languages to tell her it was our room and requesting politely that she leave, H engaged her in a staring contest that finally resulted in her departure.  A few minutes later we realized that along with her, the dragon fruit on our table had disappeared.  Would anybody else like to play Excited Missing Dragon Fruit Game?

• Excited Avoid the Squat Toilet Game
• Admittedly, I played this more than H did, but let’s just say that managing your liquid intake is essential in some parts of the world…

On that note, it’s time to play Excited What’s For Dinner Game.  If H gets home soon, we could move to a bonus level as his kitchen skills are vastly better than mine.

Happy 2011!

Happy 2011 everybody!  Sorry for the long absence, H and I have been enjoying some days off away from the land down under.  We decided to skip stockings full of high visibility socks, roo jerky and stubby holders for a trip to someplace a bit more exotic.  2,700 pictures, many ruins, beaches, boats, mountains, sculptures, temples, pagodas, rice paddies, historic sites, bizarre sites, excited street crossing games, overly abundant and delicious meals and an elephant ride later, we’re back to business in Perth.  I am however refusing to take our Christmas tree down; Wally the Wombat will be hanging in our living room until February.  One of the few perks of having a fake tree is that it enables me to pretend that holidays and vacation aren’t over.  At least we didn’t come back to massive sand drifts in our house like we used to with each return to Qatar courtesy of our poorly sealed windows and doors.  So cheers to starting a wondrous new year, appreciating the small things and not letting the little things get to us…

What's For Lunch?

Apologies to everybody at work for putting this in the fridge today:

Don't worry H, this is not what I had for lunch.  Anyway, these vaccinations can't be that harmful as I have to drink two doses of one and swallow four pills of the other.  What can I say?  I'm getting ready for vacation and it's not all guidebook reading and hotel booking.  Some destinations actually require preventative medicine measures.  Who would have guessed?  At least my welcome cocktails will taste better than my first of two doses of the oral cholera vaccine...