Why Australia Isn’t Really a First World Country

Today I enjoyed a lunch time trek to my ‘local’ post office to pick up a package that the Australia Post was unable to deliver to my home.  In fairness, it was too large to go through my mail slot.  The package however was not too large to be left with my building’s 24 hour reception.  Apparently I have lots of free time to do the mailman’s job and go to the post office that is open from 9-5, Monday through Friday and is located nowhere near my house or my office.

Alas, half an hour after leaving my office, I had package in hand and asked to file an official complaint against the mailman / Australia Post.  For the umpteenth time in two years, I received no first notice that I had a missed delivery / package waiting for pick-up, only the final notice.  And the final notice was pre-dated a day when it arrived in my mailbox.  The woman at the post office told me that final notices are actually mailed through the post, and not delivered by the mailman in lieu of the package if they fail to find you at home a second time.  Which means that yes, Australia Post does not try to deliver your package more than once.  Postage here should really be called a ‘storage / DIY pick-up fee.’

Apparently I was supposed to be grateful that unlike my last package, this one wasn’t immediately returned to sender without any attempt or notice at delivery (a separate complaint was filed multiple times for that, to absolutely no avail).  I was also supposed to be grateful that the final notice was delivered to my mailbox instead of to one of my neighbour’s mailboxes (yes, that has happened multiple times) or the floor of the apartment building foyer (yes, that has also happened multiple times).

Since the Australia Post can’t seem to manage to do their job, I think I’ll stop doing the job that inadvertently fell to me when H & I moved into our Perth home two years ago…returning all of the mail of prior tenants to sender.  Because in Australia, it costs money to forward mail or change your address and in the fair go spirit, none of the dozen or so former tenants of our apartment felt the need to do this.

Australia Post should be ashamed of itself.  In Qatar we literally didn’t have an address, just a landmark that we lived near, yet somehow all of our mail got delivered there.

Satellite Bingo

During the Cold War era, scientists launching satellites into space wanted to make sure their technology wouldn't fall into Russian hands when it came crashing back to earth at the end of its lifespan.  They seem to have not realized that 30 year old satellites have as much computing power as the average modern day calculator and that the debris would have the possibility of postdating the USSR.  In order to protect their falling satellites, the flight paths were engineered to re-enter over friendly territory.  However the fine engineers at Lockheed Martin didn't want them landing in suburbia, so they went searching for a more suitable friendly country to "land" their satellites.  With a population density of about 1 person per square kilometer, Australia, in particular Western Australia, seemed like a perfect target.  This means that 30 years on, having satellites come plunging down into the back paddock is not an unheard of event in Western Australia.  Instead of bemoaning hunks of metal falling from the sky, the Aussies  have found a way to turn it into their favorite pastime, gambling.

Satellite bingo begins in Western Australia whenever news reports cover a satellite that is beginning to fall out of orbit, and the approximate impact/debris area is announced.  The impact area is broken up into segments and for a few dollars you can buy into the office pool for one of these lots.  As the engineers and physicists out there will probably interject, a satellite will break up on re-entry, and pieces can land over a wide area.  This may present a problem for competitive gamblers, but in Australia this appeals to the sense of "a fair go".  With the satellites scattered over a wide area, the prize pool can be claimed by many people, as anyone with a piece of satellite on their section can claim to be a winner.

Redefining First World Standards

Apologies for the long absence.  I would love to say that I’ve been busy enjoying the start of summer in Perth, lounging alongside the Indian Ocean with some good books and a Little Creatures Light Ale or Pipsqueak Cider (or two) in hand but alas I’ve just been busy with work.  This morning my trip to the bank to place a wire transfer has definitely jumpstarted me back into posting though because I have found something else to add to my list of things that Qatar is better than Australia at doing:

1.        Reasonably priced food and services.  I’ve gone from $27 pedicures at the Four Seasons in Doha to refusing to pay $60+ for no name hole in the wall salons in Perth.  Forget $25 entrees at Spice Market and $7 dinners at Thai Snack in Qatar because in Perth, Chinese takeaway will set you back $15 a person (excluding rice, an extra $5 per serving).  Slightly nicer but still casual restaurants in Perth will set you back a minimum of $25 per person excluding drinks for average food.

2.        Internet.  I could go on about this all day but I’ll stick to the basics of set-up and service.  Not only did ridiculously slow to get anything done Qtel in Qatar beat Perth’s Telestra at setting up my internet (about one month versus almost seven weeks) but my internet speed was significantly faster in Qatar versus Australia which you would think would be a more developed country.  Not only that, but after seven months of service, I finally got a correct bill from Telestra.  I only had one incorrect bill in Qatar.

3.        Mobile service.  In Qatar, I could be out in the absolute middle of the desert and still have full service on my phone.  Ok, perhaps my cell phone didn’t work well in my house, but all those concrete walls must have blocked the signal.  In Australia, we lose cell phone coverage all of the time, even in populated areas.

4.        I saved the best for last: banking services.  Today I went to place a wire transfer from my Australian bank to my bank in the U.S.  I arrived at my bank and was told that they couldn’t do it, unless I could figure out how to use their website to do the wire, since all the bank can do is use the same website I use at home.  After realizing that an international wire would actually require the bank employees to do some work, they then told me it was impossible (despite the fact they advertise forex on tv/internet quite heavily).  The coup de grace was when they suggested I go to Western Union if I wanted to send money overseas.  New item on my to do list: ‘find new bank.’

Australia, you might be absolutely gorgeous but your service sucks.  You might want to rethink your ‘fair go’ philosophy because it may be responsible for contributing to such crappy businesses and service industry employees that you don’t even compare to less developed countries like Qatar, in all of their frustrating bureaucratic glory.  I can’t wait to see how your economy does when there is a pull back in natural resources prices.  You export your raw materials, and import nearly all value added products despite your massive tariffs.  Isn’t that what a third world country is supposed to do?

Meat Pies, Take Two

It’s not often that I get asked whether or not I have ever eaten camel.  Today during another morning tea at work, that precise question was posed to me, as a trick.  As discussed in an earlier entry, meat pies can contain camel (as well as kangaroo, goat, etc.) and one of my colleagues thought that he could shock me into learning that I had indeed eaten camel, although unknowingly, through my consumption of meat pies, the national favorite food.

But the joke was on him when I shocked him by stating that no, I have never eaten a meat pie, and yes, I did in fact know that they can contain camel (as well as snouts, ears, tendons, blood vessels, etc.).  So appetizing, especially at ten o’clock in the morning!  That definitely wasn’t the best lead in to the rest of my colleagues attempting to goad me into finally trying a meat pie.  They even offered up the vegetarian option but I refused to trust that they would actually point me towards a vegetable one since they all look the same to me and my colleagues all act like it is a grave offense to never have tasted a meat pie.

And then the vegetarian of the group arrived and immediately plucked a vegetarian pie from the plate.  Trusting her (and being overwhelmingly hungry), I caved and sampled a vegetarian pie.  It was fine, but I definitely prefer Middle Eastern and Greek versions of the same.  Particularly when half an hour later it had me running to the bathroom.  Could this possibly account for the popularity of pies here???  So just to combine two Australian favorites, how about: meat pies, they give bowels a fair go! 

What Do You Want? A Fair Go!

Something must be in the water at H's office because a huge number of his colleagues' partners (or former partners) are pregnant.  Moreover, the majority of these pregnancies are accidental, out-of-wedlock, may or may not have maintained a relationship with the to-be-born child's mother pregnancies.  We're not quite sure if the Hollywood trend of children before marriage is making its appearance in Australia or if there's a more casual attitude for parenthood here.  Or maybe it is a side effect of Australians' attitudes of just wanting a fair go. 

In surveys of what Australians value most, the right to a fair go is at the top of most citizens' lists.  This right to a fair go extends from everything including rights, social responsibilities, welfare, education, environment, work, health, housing, and social services to the ability to get what one wants during the course of day to day life.  There is a commercial on tv for a pawn shop type store where someone wants a new flat screen tv but doesn't have the cash to buy it.  He is asked what he wants and he says, "a fair go."  He is then asked when he wants it and responds, "NOW!"  Obviously it's an intrinsic right for everybody to have the latest largest flat screen tv available on the market.  There seems to be a blurred line between necessities and luxuries in Australia.   

H and I wonder if it's this desire for a fair go that is leading to all of these unplanned pregnancies.  Because when you think about it, it's clear that contraceptive devices don't give sperm a fair go.  And in Australia doesn't everybody and everything deserve one?