Sometimes the Show is Weird and Sometimes it's Just Me

Living abroad means adapting to different languages, cultures, customs, food, etc.  I try to take advantage of each place we live or travel in to immerse myself in the unique local traditions.  For instance, in Australia  I have learned that:

• the steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car
• I should drive on the wrong side of the road
• I should make left turns into near lanes and right turns into far lanes
• real Australians stay in the lane they eventually wish to turn in for the entire journey until they reach where they are actually turning, even if that lane is backed up for 20 km but the one next to it is moving freely
• beer o'clock is something to respect and be timely for
• button down shirts are incomplete without visible nipples and chest hair
• there is a reason why bars have signs that high visibility workwear is not acceptable after a certain hour because the vast majority of Western Australians wear high visibility workwear and arrive at beer o'clock in aforementioned apparel
• it's sinful to have leftover meat pies from morning tea
• it's odd to say that kangaroos are cute

Living in Qatar I learned that:

• I should leave my engine running when having my gas tank filled
• indicators are purely decorative and are in no way used or obeyed
• when entering a roundabout, one should drive as fast as one possibly can and take the opposite exit expected based on the lane one's car is in (i.e. make a u-turn from the left, outermost lane)
• saying that you don't drink is code for saying that you want your alcoholic beverage in a water glass
• giving your address based on landmarks is the norm 
• family day at the mall just means that entry is denied to non-Caucasian or Arab males unless they are in the company of their wives/mothers/sisters/daughters

In addition to learning about local culture from my day to day experiences and interactions, I also like to get a feel for the country that I'm in based on the local television programming.  You've already read about the joys of Border Patrol and RBT.   I'm also excited to announce that Kalgoorlie Cops will soon be airing, the "highly anticipated, exclusive Australian production that depicts the trials and tribulations of law enforcement in a renowned city of Kalgoorlie, the size of France, just without the people!  There's never a dull moment for Kalgoorlie's cops as they patrol the legendary mining town that is infamous for money, murder, miners, gold-theft, crooks, outlaw bikers, ladies of the night as well as Friday night altercations at the local watering hole."  

I swear I'm not spoofing you, that's the actual (non April fools) blurb from the MultiChannelNetwork.  But for an apples to apples comparison, I'd like to share my Qatari gym TV program schedule versus my Perth gym TV program schedule.  While at the gym in Qatar, I watched MTV Arabia as it repeated its three hour cycle of extraordinarily old shows, including The Ashlee Simpson Show, everyday for a minimum one week period.  It didn't really teach me about local culture except maybe that local television exposure to global pop culture was seriously outdated.  When we moved and lost our handful of free TV channels at the gym (including French news, Italian news, and MTV Arabia), I began watching some kind of Arab talk show, with women in burkas and niqabs who sounded quite serious.  As the show didn't have subtitles, I'm not quite sure what their discourse covered.  Perhaps we can just say that I learned about some varieties of local fashion?

In Perth, my after work gym show of choice is Letters and Numbers.  It's a show where two contestants compete in rounds of letters and numbers.  In the letter rounds they each try to spell the longest word possible with the nine given letters in a limited period of time and in the number rounds they each try to use the numbers given to reach the computer generated goal number, also in a limited period of time.  I admit, it's a really weird choice for the gym.  Let's just say that I'm so focused on solving each challenge that I don't notice the time flying by on the treadmill.  One day I'll probably fly right off the treadmill trying to multiply large numbers or use all of the letters to build a word.  In the meantime, I'll just ponder what the gym attendant thinks when he hears this show blasting out of the cardio room.

And the Winner Is

In honor of the Emmy Awards which aired live in Perth at 10 o’clock this morning, I’d like to take a minute to recognize some of the weirdest television shows that I have ever seen in my life, all of which are shown on Australian TV.  To be fair, some of these shows originate in the U.K.  Drum roll please…

Border Security- Both the Australian and UK versions are aired here and the show is exactly what the title proclaims it to be: a behind the scenes look at Customs, Immigration and Quarantine departments’ day to day happenings. It films angry people in airports getting screened and arrested for potential drug smuggling, people getting fined for bringing in fruits etc. without declaring it, people getting their tourist visas rejected because it’s feared that they will work illegally and thus they get sent home on the next plane, drugs being uncovered in stuffed animals in mail rooms, illegal immigrants getting busted in housing above ethnic restaurants, and bugs being found in shipping containers (all taken equally seriously).  The show is a serious train wreck, I can’t turn it off once it’s on.  My personal favorite incidents include: the woman caught smuggling drugs in her hair weave, the woman arriving to meet her internet boyfriend after dating him for two weeks online, and the Lebanese couple who tried to bring two suitcases full of fruit, herbs, and spices (some of which was crawling with bugs) into Australia crammed into every square inch of their suitcase, including the insides of their shoes.

Grumpy Old Women- All I can say about this show is WOW, is this for real?  To be fair to Australia, this show comes straight from BBC which summarizes the show as, “a group of middle-aged women grumbling about various aspects of modern life.”  H and I found this while channel surfing and again, train wreck, couldn’t turn it off.  While looking for a clip to attach to this post, I found that this show is a spin-off of Grumpy Old Men AND that the two shows joined forces for Grumpy Old Holidays in which they talk about the irritations connected with holiday making.  Do a YouTube search for this show, please.  You need to see this with your own eyes.  It’s absolutely ridiculous.

RBT- This entire show follows police officers as they pull people over for random breath tests.  I kid you not (although I wish I was joking).  Highlights from the show include the middle aged man who was well over the legal limit the (late) morning after a night of drinking and the guy who when asked if he has ever used illegal drugs said no and when the police officer said that illegal drugs can remain in your system for days after ingestion said well, I might have done some meth yesterday.

To round out my list with a much less trashy show:

Edwardian Supersize Me- This comes straight from the BBC (although perhaps from a few years ago) and has a British comic and food critic ‘going Edwardian’ for the week.  They eat typical Edwardian meals, dress in typical Edwardian dress, and participate in typical Edwardian activities.  At the end of the week, the food critic has gained a significant amount of weight and has done some damage to his cholesterol etc.  Who would have guessed when breakfast included an array of sardines, curried eggs, and cutlets and lunch and dinner had over six courses each (about half meat, half fish and then dessert).  This show was actually incredibly entertaining and I’m going to have to look for the Victorian, Elizabethan, and Roman episodes.

Honestly, I had to stop myself because this list could have continued (Police Dogs, anybody?).  While Australian TV may be bizarre, it sure beats the TV show spread in the Middle East: MTV Arabia (airing shows from well over five years ago on repeat multiple times a day, everyday of the week), French news, Italian news, Arabic news, and U.S. sitcoms from 5-10 years ago.  Good thing I like to multitask while watching TV, otherwise I could be at serious risk of killing brain cells.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have some trashy TV to watch (and a huge stack of books to read simultaneously).

What Do You Want? A Fair Go!

Something must be in the water at H's office because a huge number of his colleagues' partners (or former partners) are pregnant.  Moreover, the majority of these pregnancies are accidental, out-of-wedlock, may or may not have maintained a relationship with the to-be-born child's mother pregnancies.  We're not quite sure if the Hollywood trend of children before marriage is making its appearance in Australia or if there's a more casual attitude for parenthood here.  Or maybe it is a side effect of Australians' attitudes of just wanting a fair go. 

In surveys of what Australians value most, the right to a fair go is at the top of most citizens' lists.  This right to a fair go extends from everything including rights, social responsibilities, welfare, education, environment, work, health, housing, and social services to the ability to get what one wants during the course of day to day life.  There is a commercial on tv for a pawn shop type store where someone wants a new flat screen tv but doesn't have the cash to buy it.  He is asked what he wants and he says, "a fair go."  He is then asked when he wants it and responds, "NOW!"  Obviously it's an intrinsic right for everybody to have the latest largest flat screen tv available on the market.  There seems to be a blurred line between necessities and luxuries in Australia.   

H and I wonder if it's this desire for a fair go that is leading to all of these unplanned pregnancies.  Because when you think about it, it's clear that contraceptive devices don't give sperm a fair go.  And in Australia doesn't everybody and everything deserve one?