Why Be a Waugal Watcher When You Can Train Greyhounds?

One of H’s colleagues resigned today so that he could kick-off November in a new career. Six months ago he used some savings he had acquired working overseas to buy a share in a greyhound. The dog lost its first race spectacularly and its trainer, who was working for free in exchange for a percentage of the dog’s winnings, threatened to quit. Over the weekend, the dog won its race, the second one it has competed in. He decided that in lieu of paying the trainer, he would quit his six figure job and train the dog himself. His goal is to purchase shares in additional greyhounds or be hired by others to train their greyhounds and live off his earnings from that and his winnings from betting on his dog. Apparently in Australia, people train greyhounds by setting them loose in a paddock with a kangaroo or two and letting the animals chase each other. The preferred practice used to be setting the dog after rabbits, but this practice of "live kills" is technically illegal. The legal protection may be unnecessary, as racing dogs have been bred to the point that they are unable to catch any game in the wild. On the track they only need to run in a (relatively) straight line. The ability to stop, turn or do anything else is neglected in the breeding practice. All it takes is one quick change of direction by the intended prey, and the pursuing dog falls tail over head with it's paws in the air. Of course to oversee this training, it’s essential to always have a cold beer in hand. Good luck Anonymous Colleague; you are certainly going to need it.

Sometimes the Show is Weird and Sometimes it's Just Me

Living abroad means adapting to different languages, cultures, customs, food, etc.  I try to take advantage of each place we live or travel in to immerse myself in the unique local traditions.  For instance, in Australia  I have learned that:

• the steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car
• I should drive on the wrong side of the road
• I should make left turns into near lanes and right turns into far lanes
• real Australians stay in the lane they eventually wish to turn in for the entire journey until they reach where they are actually turning, even if that lane is backed up for 20 km but the one next to it is moving freely
• beer o'clock is something to respect and be timely for
• button down shirts are incomplete without visible nipples and chest hair
• there is a reason why bars have signs that high visibility workwear is not acceptable after a certain hour because the vast majority of Western Australians wear high visibility workwear and arrive at beer o'clock in aforementioned apparel
• it's sinful to have leftover meat pies from morning tea
• it's odd to say that kangaroos are cute

Living in Qatar I learned that:

• I should leave my engine running when having my gas tank filled
• indicators are purely decorative and are in no way used or obeyed
• when entering a roundabout, one should drive as fast as one possibly can and take the opposite exit expected based on the lane one's car is in (i.e. make a u-turn from the left, outermost lane)
• saying that you don't drink is code for saying that you want your alcoholic beverage in a water glass
• giving your address based on landmarks is the norm 
• family day at the mall just means that entry is denied to non-Caucasian or Arab males unless they are in the company of their wives/mothers/sisters/daughters

In addition to learning about local culture from my day to day experiences and interactions, I also like to get a feel for the country that I'm in based on the local television programming.  You've already read about the joys of Border Patrol and RBT.   I'm also excited to announce that Kalgoorlie Cops will soon be airing, the "highly anticipated, exclusive Australian production that depicts the trials and tribulations of law enforcement in a renowned city of Kalgoorlie, the size of France, just without the people!  There's never a dull moment for Kalgoorlie's cops as they patrol the legendary mining town that is infamous for money, murder, miners, gold-theft, crooks, outlaw bikers, ladies of the night as well as Friday night altercations at the local watering hole."  

I swear I'm not spoofing you, that's the actual (non April fools) blurb from the MultiChannelNetwork.  But for an apples to apples comparison, I'd like to share my Qatari gym TV program schedule versus my Perth gym TV program schedule.  While at the gym in Qatar, I watched MTV Arabia as it repeated its three hour cycle of extraordinarily old shows, including The Ashlee Simpson Show, everyday for a minimum one week period.  It didn't really teach me about local culture except maybe that local television exposure to global pop culture was seriously outdated.  When we moved and lost our handful of free TV channels at the gym (including French news, Italian news, and MTV Arabia), I began watching some kind of Arab talk show, with women in burkas and niqabs who sounded quite serious.  As the show didn't have subtitles, I'm not quite sure what their discourse covered.  Perhaps we can just say that I learned about some varieties of local fashion?

In Perth, my after work gym show of choice is Letters and Numbers.  It's a show where two contestants compete in rounds of letters and numbers.  In the letter rounds they each try to spell the longest word possible with the nine given letters in a limited period of time and in the number rounds they each try to use the numbers given to reach the computer generated goal number, also in a limited period of time.  I admit, it's a really weird choice for the gym.  Let's just say that I'm so focused on solving each challenge that I don't notice the time flying by on the treadmill.  One day I'll probably fly right off the treadmill trying to multiply large numbers or use all of the letters to build a word.  In the meantime, I'll just ponder what the gym attendant thinks when he hears this show blasting out of the cardio room.

How Was Your Weekend?

After almost a year in Perth, I’m starting to notice a trend in typical responses to the recurring Monday morning question of “how was your weekend?”  Please tell me if there is anywhere else in the world (apart from college campuses) where the responses would be as aligned towards over imbibing and hangovers as today’s responses were to my polite queries about my colleagues’ weekends.  Keep in mind that the average age of my colleagues is closer to 40 than 30…

• “Well, I had a few too many beers on Friday so I spent the rest of the weekend recovering, but you know, it was all in good fun.”

• “I got totally pissed on Saturday and boy was Sunday tough.  It was worth it though, Saturday was great!”

• “Saturday afternoon we had a barbi in the park and you know, after a few beers, I really couldn’t be bothered watching the kids for the rest of the weekend.  You know it’s tough keeping up with them all day when you’ve had a few too many.”

• “I hit the Coronas a bit too hard but what else are you going to do on a hot day?”

• “I was planning on going to Rotto (a local island) for the weekend but after Friday night’s happy hour, I couldn’t make the Saturday morning ferry.”

One of the few exceptions to the above was the head of my group who declared that she had, “found an amazing sounding diet pill from an infomercial over the weekend but then felt a bit like a drug dealer when she went out and bought mass amounts of it to share with all of her friends.”

Oh Anonymous Colleagues, I could overlook your fondness for carrying and using pocket breathalysers, your penchant for wearing heavy wool coats and thick scarves in 20 degree Celsius winters, your love of abbreviating words and adding “o” and “y” endings, and perhaps even your love of meat pies at morning tea, but I’m starting to think that you all have a few roos loose in the top paddock.

And on a sidenote, how can my one other Anonymous American Colleague think I’m Canadian, especially almost a year of working with me?  Perhaps she needs to lay off the alcohol as well, eht?

Name That Animal

Yesterday I got to stroke koalas and feed and pet kangaroos which was absolutely amazing.  I also discovered what may be one of my new favorite Australian animals....

I'll drink a tipple of Margaret River wine in honor of anyone who guesses correctly.  Imagine seeing one of these in your backyard!

Meat Pies, Take Two

It’s not often that I get asked whether or not I have ever eaten camel.  Today during another morning tea at work, that precise question was posed to me, as a trick.  As discussed in an earlier entry, meat pies can contain camel (as well as kangaroo, goat, etc.) and one of my colleagues thought that he could shock me into learning that I had indeed eaten camel, although unknowingly, through my consumption of meat pies, the national favorite food.

But the joke was on him when I shocked him by stating that no, I have never eaten a meat pie, and yes, I did in fact know that they can contain camel (as well as snouts, ears, tendons, blood vessels, etc.).  So appetizing, especially at ten o’clock in the morning!  That definitely wasn’t the best lead in to the rest of my colleagues attempting to goad me into finally trying a meat pie.  They even offered up the vegetarian option but I refused to trust that they would actually point me towards a vegetable one since they all look the same to me and my colleagues all act like it is a grave offense to never have tasted a meat pie.

And then the vegetarian of the group arrived and immediately plucked a vegetarian pie from the plate.  Trusting her (and being overwhelmingly hungry), I caved and sampled a vegetarian pie.  It was fine, but I definitely prefer Middle Eastern and Greek versions of the same.  Particularly when half an hour later it had me running to the bathroom.  Could this possibly account for the popularity of pies here???  So just to combine two Australian favorites, how about: meat pies, they give bowels a fair go! 

When Life Sometimes Feels Like Fiction

Last night, H and I went for drinks with a few of H's colleagues.  Sometimes I wonder where the hell I am, not just geographically speaking.

My first pint of beer was accompanied by the following conversation:

B, "I'm going to Duri* (Indonesia) for days off to visit my boyfriend but he'll be working."

Me, "What is there to do there?"

R, "Drink cheap beer and hire prostitutes."

B, "Well, the prostitutes won't do me much good." (B's a woman)

R, "But you can hire them to do things for you, like paint your toenails."

*Duri is an oil town in Indonesia in the middle of nowhere.  Travel sites say, "There's no reason to visit Duri except for business."  Traveling from a reasonably first world country to Duri on your time off requires real devotion.  Often outside women are viewed as unwanted "competition" by the local umm..talent.  

Next conversation (still during pint one):

Me, "Hey, T, nice to see you.  How are you?"

T, "I'm doing well, just got back from the rig a couple of days ago."

Me, "It must be nice to be back."

T, "Not really, they had great food there.  All you can eat ice cream, oysters, and one night they served kangaroo, it was incredible."

Note, T is not Australian, and honestly who would trust seafood cooked by a man with marginal hygiene that more likely than not has spent some time as a ward of her majesty's correctional institutions.  

By this point, I was in need of another pint.

R, "Have you been to a cricket match yet?"

Me, "No but I'm looking forward to experiencing that unique cultural phenomenon.  As Bill Bryson says In a Sunburned Country, in what other sport can you dress in white from head to toe and end the game just as clean as you started it?"

R, "It's great fun, you sit in your blow-up pool all day drinking overpriced beer and eating meat pies and occasionally glance over at the game."

Me, "Wait, did you say blow-up pools?"

R, "Yeah, everyone in the lawn area brings them."

(Break for me to physically close my gaping jaw.)

R, "So you heard I got transferred to Saudi Arabia?  I'm trying to figure out what I can do to be barred from entering the country.  I'm thinking that maybe I'll bring in a load of pornography."

H, "Nah, they'll just confiscate it (and be silently thanking you for providing it)."

R, "Maybe I'll get fake breasts, they won't let a lady man in."

Me, "I think a quick trip to Israel to get your passport stamped would be easier."

After a visit to the bar, for another round, we started talking about R's time in Oman when he got invited to a camel race in the middle of the desert.

H, "You know camel racing has changed a lot.  They don't have child jockeys anymore, they've been replaced by robots."

R, "Yeah, people were putting up a big fuss that all these kids were stolen and forced to work in dangerous conditions for little if any pay."

S, "The kids weren't stolen, they were bought."

H, "But now it's more of a Land Cruiser race than a camel race because all the owners all race beside their camels to control their robots with remotes and they all try to cut off and distract the other drivers to make them drop their remotes."

Where am I and is this the real world or some kind of backwards flushing toilet alternate universe?

Convicts and Beer

H claims that I am going to get into a bar fight if I keep declaring Australia to be the land of convicts and kangaroos. I see this as nothing more than an entertaining declaration of truths. Australia was the recipient of British convicts who opted for life on a new continent in lieu of staying behind bars in their homeland. And despite not seeing a live one yet, Australia is most certainly the country of kangaroos. Where else can you find grocery store meat departments full of ‘roo meat, including “Kanga Banga” sausages, road laws detailing what to do if you hit a kangaroo (stop and check its pouch for a baby ‘roo and if there is one, wrap it in a blanket and bring it to the nearest vet), and statues everywhere depicting these adorable creatures? Kangaroos are even in the news with coverage ranging from what to do about the overpopulation problem to a kangaroo getting into a house and a man wrestling him out in nothing but his “Bondie” underwear.

Today we checked out some of WA’s convict history in Fremantle at Fremantle Prison, a limestone jail built in the 1850s and used as Perth’s maximum-security prison until 1991. We met one of our Japanese friends, K, there and took the Great Escapes tour which led us on an interesting tour of the prison during which time the guide told us some stories of a few of the most notable escapes and escape attempts from the prison. To read about some of them, visit the Fremantle Prison website. After the tour we walked around Fremantle, admiring its 19^th century mostly convict built architecture, and walked through some nice looking cheese, meat, and produce markets, and some tacky souvenir and handicraft markets.

As we walked around, we noticed multiple groups of people collecting money for Sea Shepherds, a whale conservation group that takes it upon itself to patrol a whale sanctuary in Antarctica from Japanese whaling vessels. There is a show that follows the group’s activities on Animal Planet , called Whale Wars, that H and I have enjoyed watching. Recently in the news, we heard that a Sea Shepherd member, Captain Pete Bethune, had been arrested for boarding a Japanese whaling vessel to serve a citizen’s arrest warrant to the captain for ramming and shipping his ship, the Ady Gil. He was transported back to Japan on that whaling vessel and is awaiting trial in a prison in Tokyo for a variety of charges. I suspected that the press coverage in Japan of the group was fairly intense and asked our friend K if he had heard anything about the group. He had and viewed the group as a terrorist organization, a representation that seems to be common in the Japanese press. K saw nothing wrong with collecting whale meat for research and using the remains as food, apparently he views whale meat as quite a delicacy. I disagreed saying that not only are whales endangered species, but they are so cute and so helpless. He asked me if I am a vegetarian and I said no but I don’t eat animals that I view as cute such as sheep, baby cows, rabbit, and whales. He had to concede that chickens and fish aren’t really cute so the argument went to me. The loser should have had to make a contribution to Sea Shepherds ;)

To end the day, we visited Little Creatures Brewery, located on the Indian Ocean in Fremantle, where we sampled some of their great food and tried out some more of their beers and their Pipsqueak Cider. The Pipsqueak Cider was quite good, I like it better than Strongbow, which was recommended by an Australian friend, but my favorite is still Savanna Dry, a South African cider that I discovered in Qatar.