C is for I'm Not Canadian

Today was the second time this week that I got asked if I am Canadian.  On Monday a colleague said, "I can't quite place your accent, but are you Canadian?"  When I said no, actually I am American, his response was pretty entertaining.  He said, "I couldn't decide if you were Canadian or American but I thought I would cause less offense if I asked you if you were Canadian and I was wrong.  Canadians passionately hate being called American."  I guess he has more Canadian acquaintances than American acquaintances because where I come from, Americans passionately hate being mistaken for our northern neighbors, eht?

Today's Canadian misidentification was a bit nicer or creepy, depending on how you choose to interpret it. While on the phone with a co-worker who I have never met or spoken to before, he interrupted me mid-sentence and in his heavy German accent said, "Pardon me but are you Canadian?  You have a very lovely accent."  When I told him thank you but I'm actually American, he said, "Oh, well you must have a hard time understanding my accent then."  Nein!  Ich verstehe sie perfekt.  Vielen dank.  Apparently Americans have lovely accents but are stupid.

Perhaps H and I should perpetuate the myth that we're Canadian by picking up a gorgeous white Toyota Hilux, complete with Canadian maple leaf bumper sticker.  But only if I get my mercenary to ride shotgun.

How Was Your Weekend?

After almost a year in Perth, I’m starting to notice a trend in typical responses to the recurring Monday morning question of “how was your weekend?”  Please tell me if there is anywhere else in the world (apart from college campuses) where the responses would be as aligned towards over imbibing and hangovers as today’s responses were to my polite queries about my colleagues’ weekends.  Keep in mind that the average age of my colleagues is closer to 40 than 30…

• “Well, I had a few too many beers on Friday so I spent the rest of the weekend recovering, but you know, it was all in good fun.”

• “I got totally pissed on Saturday and boy was Sunday tough.  It was worth it though, Saturday was great!”

• “Saturday afternoon we had a barbi in the park and you know, after a few beers, I really couldn’t be bothered watching the kids for the rest of the weekend.  You know it’s tough keeping up with them all day when you’ve had a few too many.”

• “I hit the Coronas a bit too hard but what else are you going to do on a hot day?”

• “I was planning on going to Rotto (a local island) for the weekend but after Friday night’s happy hour, I couldn’t make the Saturday morning ferry.”

One of the few exceptions to the above was the head of my group who declared that she had, “found an amazing sounding diet pill from an infomercial over the weekend but then felt a bit like a drug dealer when she went out and bought mass amounts of it to share with all of her friends.”

Oh Anonymous Colleagues, I could overlook your fondness for carrying and using pocket breathalysers, your penchant for wearing heavy wool coats and thick scarves in 20 degree Celsius winters, your love of abbreviating words and adding “o” and “y” endings, and perhaps even your love of meat pies at morning tea, but I’m starting to think that you all have a few roos loose in the top paddock.

And on a sidenote, how can my one other Anonymous American Colleague think I’m Canadian, especially almost a year of working with me?  Perhaps she needs to lay off the alcohol as well, eht?

Excited [Insert Word(s) Here] Game

On vacation, H and I were introduced to the Excited Roller Coaster Game.  We had read about it for months prior to departing for our trip and spent an insane amount of time trying to guess what it could be.  All we knew was the name and that it was at a waterfall.  My best guess was that perhaps it was some kind of marginally safe barrel ride down the waterfall à la Pippi Longstocking.  Finally the big day arrived and we saw that it was this:

It was a kind of alpine slide ride down to the base of a waterfall and incredibly fun partially for the surprise factor, partially for the awesome name and partially because I haven’t been on any kind of roller coaster type ride in years.  And the fun didn’t stop on the way down; after we finished touring the waterfall, we climbed back into our cars to get towed up the mountain.  My lazy legs rejoiced!

H and I couldn’t let the Excited Roller Coaster Game end there so we decided to carry the theme through the rest of our vacation.  We had:

• Excited Street Crossing Game
• In some cities, street crossing is quite a risky business.  We were advised by our local guide to walk, never run, at a slow, even pace across the street and motorists would steer around us.  H and I quickly learned that while that is true for motorbikes, engaging in Exciting Street Crossing Game against cars and buses is quite a different story.  While we gradually progressed from level one tuk-tuks and cyclos to level fifteen buses, it wasn’t without some nervous moments.  One of our favorite Excited Street Crossing moments was following another pair of tourists (who raised their hands and took baby steps) across a very busy intersection.  Score: 150 points and a bonus life.

• Excited Dinner Table Conversation Game
•  H and I sat down to lunch one day at a table a few inches away from another English speaking, American couple.  Overhearing their conversation we deduced that they were on an outing from their cruise ship and locked eyes, determined to enjoy lunch and conversation between the two of us.  Unsurprisingly, as soon as English left our lips, they pounced and asked us where we were from.  Australia we replied, and that they believed it despite our very non-Australian accents made us even more pleased that we were able to end the conversation almost as quickly as it had begun.  Seeing that they were continuing to eavesdrop on our conversation, H and I quickly began talking about unusual topics in abbreviated language.  We were rewarded in our endeavours when our $3Bn train conversation got a barely muffled, “Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?!” exclamation exchanged between the couple at the neighboring table.  LNG, obviously!
• Excited Dinner Table Conversation Game can be played two ways: you can either initiate bizarre conversation to confuse unwitting eavesdroppers or eavesdrop on bizarre conversations from your neighbors.  A few nights later, H and I were witnesses to excited domestic conflict game when a seemingly benign dinner table conversation between our neighbors resulted in one asking the other why she even married him and storming off for twenty minutes.  Pretty awkward considering we were confined to a 55m long boat together for the next 24 hours.

• Excited Missing Dragon Fruit Game
• The next morning, before departing from the aforementioned boat, we were asked to leave our cabin doors open starting from about 45 minutes prior to docking so that our luggage could be removed and our rooms could be checked over.  H and I came back to our room after spending some time on the balcony to find a strange woman sitting in our chair.  After trying in multiple languages to tell her it was our room and requesting politely that she leave, H engaged her in a staring contest that finally resulted in her departure.  A few minutes later we realized that along with her, the dragon fruit on our table had disappeared.  Would anybody else like to play Excited Missing Dragon Fruit Game?

• Excited Avoid the Squat Toilet Game
• Admittedly, I played this more than H did, but let’s just say that managing your liquid intake is essential in some parts of the world…

On that note, it’s time to play Excited What’s For Dinner Game.  If H gets home soon, we could move to a bonus level as his kitchen skills are vastly better than mine.