Duck, Duck, Silly Goose

My week really got off to the right start this morning.  Firstly, I caught an earlier bus than usual which meant that I avoided riding two stops with the incredibly smelly man who seems to sleep in the park near our house.  Catching the earlier bus also meant that I had the unbelievably nice driver who says good morning bella and have a good day to everybody, waits when he sees you running to catch the bus, and sings spiritedly along to the radio.  Today his route was interrupted when a construction worker, wearing what else but a high visibility shirt, short shorts, high visibility knee socks, and steel toed boots, walked out into the road with a big stop sign to allow a construction truck to pass out of a work zone.  The driver’s response?

“You stupid idiot, you silly goose, get out of the road with your lollipop [stop sign].  You’ve been working here for over six months and nothing has been done.  What a waste of money, you silly goose.”

I love it.  I wonder what he would have said to the group of inebriated men sitting at the back of the bus I was on yesterday, singing the wheels on the bus go round and round?  Or Anonymous Officemate II who randomly shouted out, “OMG, the Usher concert is tonight!!!!!!!!” in the midst of a conference call this morning?

They’re all silly gooses, all of them.  Stupid idiots.

Happy 2011!

Happy 2011 everybody!  Sorry for the long absence, H and I have been enjoying some days off away from the land down under.  We decided to skip stockings full of high visibility socks, roo jerky and stubby holders for a trip to someplace a bit more exotic.  2,700 pictures, many ruins, beaches, boats, mountains, sculptures, temples, pagodas, rice paddies, historic sites, bizarre sites, excited street crossing games, overly abundant and delicious meals and an elephant ride later, we’re back to business in Perth.  I am however refusing to take our Christmas tree down; Wally the Wombat will be hanging in our living room until February.  One of the few perks of having a fake tree is that it enables me to pretend that holidays and vacation aren’t over.  At least we didn’t come back to massive sand drifts in our house like we used to with each return to Qatar courtesy of our poorly sealed windows and doors.  So cheers to starting a wondrous new year, appreciating the small things and not letting the little things get to us…

Aloha Australia

My Mom arrived in Perth and is busy taking in all of the Western Australian sights.  She is:

• Counting the number of visible nipples through men’s button down dress shirts
• Marvelling over the variety of choices in high visibility workwear
• Being in awe about the high frequency of occurrence of viewing high visibility workwear in all types of places including so-called nice restaurants
• Being amazed that beer o’clock is actually every o’clock
• Exclaiming over the cost of everything in WA; did someone say $12 pre-packaged sandwiches, $20+ sit-down lunches and $7 coffees?
• Learning about, watching and enjoying Junior MasterChef; not yet enjoying the viewing pleasure of RBT and Border Security
• Noticing the frequency of shark spotting in the news

She has already decided that she is:

• Not setting foot in any body of water except an enclosed pool
• Not purchasing any clothes in Australia
• Not eating kangaroo

I’ll have to see if I can talk her out of any of the above.  After all, she will be visiting the Great Barrier Reef.  Still to come is some real Australian wildlife viewing and I am not talking about the kind that involves barefoot people in public spaces including malls, restaurants and bathrooms or large men in very short high visibility shorts with high visibility knee socks.  I’m thinking more along the lines of kangaroos, koalas and quokkas.  And maybe somewhere along the way we’ll squeeze in a meat pie tasting along with enjoying the local wines.  

Bali Dreams

On Monday I will be putting my new PPE to use with a visit to a few of my company's sites.  I asked H if he wants a picture of me in my flame retardant work pants, high visibility personalized shirt, steel toe boots, hard hat, and safety glasses.  H's response?  Not only does he want a picture of me in my extraordinarily awesome PPE, but he wants a picture of me in my extraordinarily awesome PPE on site.  Because as he put it, how else can he determine whether or not I swapped my flight to the field for a flight to Bali?

Umm, H, what would you do?

Flame Retardant Fashion

My Dad was extraordinarily entertained to hear that I purchased steel toe boots and asked if I got any diamonds to go with them.  Haha, very funny Dad.  Since you asked, I did buy something else to match my new footwear: PPE work pants, also known as drill trousers.  The first pair I was issued at work barely went past my knees and were so big in the waist, I would have needed suspenders to hold them up (which probably would have been the most fashionable part of the whole outfit).  The second non-refundable pair that was ordered for me buttoned about five inches above my belly button and umm, how to say this delicately, had such a small distance from the end of the inseam to the waistband that they went majorly up my ass.  Enough was enough, I determined that I would go to the store and novelly, try some pants on before buying them.


Given that I am notoriously hard to fit in normal clothes that have much more variety in terms of size, shape, and cut, I didn't have high expectations for my PPE pants.  All I wanted was a pair that was not comically short and that did not cause my butt serious grievances.  The saleswoman looked me up and down, grabbed a pair of pants from the rack and said, "here, try these, they're new, low rise."  Did I hear her correctly?  YES, low rise PPE pants.  Music to my ears!  Needless to say I got two pairs; they may be navy blue, flame retardant, and have a couple of inches missing from the length that are unnecessarily added to the waistband, but they're low rise and boot cut to accommodate my steel toe boots.  Man am I going to be the best dressed person on site or what?  Speaking of which, when did I even agree to trade in my stiletto heels and pencil skirts for high visibility workwear???