Western Australian Surrogacy

Apparently there are some men, at least Australian men, who actually will date prostitutes.  Take Anonymous Friend for example; he really should be demoted to Anonymous Acquaintance after uncovering the following...

One horny single Australian oil worker + one paid escort leads to a relationship where dates and sex cease being exchanged for cash.  Said paid escort, now unpaid (at least by boyfriend) girlfriend lies about being on birth control.  Said horny Australian oil worker breaks up with paid escort turned girlfriend.

Fast forward two months...

Paid escort turned girlfriend repents for lying about being on birth control.  Horny single Australian oil worker takes her back.

Fast forward one month...

Pregnancy test returns positive sign, happy face, two lines, all other symbols that say yes, prostitute / girlfriend is pregnant!!!  And yes, she did tell horny oilfield boyfriend that she was taking birth control pills when she was not...again.

Fast forward eight months...

Horny oilfield worker is eight months single after breaking up with paid escort turned girlfriend for lying AND the father of a newborn baby girl who will hopefully not follow her mother into the world's oldest profession.

Fast forward five years...

Horny single oilfield worker is still using paid escorts and still fighting his paid escort baby mama over vaccinating their daughter.  Just as the baby mama thought it was wise to lie about using birth control, she thinks it is wise to leave their daughter completely unvaccinated while engaging in travel to places where polio, cholera, typhoid and diphtheria run rampant.  Horny single oilfield worker thinks the headache is worth the unpaid time he got with his escort girlfriend five years ago.  I'm still trying to figure out if he is desperate, stupid, insane or all of the above.

Australians, Convicts, What's the Difference?

Conversation at last night's beer tasting:

Bob-o: You know who really can't pull off a shaved head? 
Me: Who?
Bob-o: Jack-o, he looks like a convict when he shaves his head.
Me: So?
Bob-o: So he looks like a convict.
Me:  He's Australian, what's the difference?

Oh, snap.  I'm sure I'm the only one who thought that was LOL hilarious a la Larry David.  What can I say?  Hello, my name is Anonymous Expat and I'm an oilfield prisoner.  Besides, everybody in Australia claims that their ancestors were free settlers rather than the prisoners the British sent over to populate the territory.  I call that revisionist history...free settlers were the minority of immigrants.

Dear Spell Check, I Am Not a Terrorist

Dear spell check,

I may have a mercenary and a white Toyota HiLux on my wish list (and an unhealthy love of The Unit), but that doesn’t mean that I appreciate your auto corrections that pepper my e-mails with the following in place of my name and those of my friends:

• Taliban
• Warlord
• Bullet
• Amen

I’m an American expat in Australia for goodness sake.  Who do you think I’m writing to/about?  I fill my days with Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations.  Just because my extracurricular conversations include helicopters, facilitation payments, various nonsexual ways to employ a hooker, assorted ways one’s wife will find out that one’s rotation isn’t actually six weeks on, two weeks off but 6 weeks on, four weeks off, and how much money one can fit in a money belt for third world travel, it doesn’t mean that I’m totally nuts.  I’m not a jihadist, I just spend too much time in and around the oilfield.