Flame Retardant Fashion

My Dad was extraordinarily entertained to hear that I purchased steel toe boots and asked if I got any diamonds to go with them.  Haha, very funny Dad.  Since you asked, I did buy something else to match my new footwear: PPE work pants, also known as drill trousers.  The first pair I was issued at work barely went past my knees and were so big in the waist, I would have needed suspenders to hold them up (which probably would have been the most fashionable part of the whole outfit).  The second non-refundable pair that was ordered for me buttoned about five inches above my belly button and umm, how to say this delicately, had such a small distance from the end of the inseam to the waistband that they went majorly up my ass.  Enough was enough, I determined that I would go to the store and novelly, try some pants on before buying them.


Given that I am notoriously hard to fit in normal clothes that have much more variety in terms of size, shape, and cut, I didn't have high expectations for my PPE pants.  All I wanted was a pair that was not comically short and that did not cause my butt serious grievances.  The saleswoman looked me up and down, grabbed a pair of pants from the rack and said, "here, try these, they're new, low rise."  Did I hear her correctly?  YES, low rise PPE pants.  Music to my ears!  Needless to say I got two pairs; they may be navy blue, flame retardant, and have a couple of inches missing from the length that are unnecessarily added to the waistband, but they're low rise and boot cut to accommodate my steel toe boots.  Man am I going to be the best dressed person on site or what?  Speaking of which, when did I even agree to trade in my stiletto heels and pencil skirts for high visibility workwear???

Where Am I Again?

This evening, while riding the elevator to leave my office, I overheard a conversation between a man in standard Western Australian business attire (button down shirt, with nipples and chest hair showcased*, and trousers) and a woman in an extraordinarily tight sheath dress.

Random Man With VN&IHS, “Tell me again what you were wearing when you got thrown out of the pub last weekend?”

Random Woman in Extraordinarily Tight Sheath Dress, “Steel toed boots.”

Where am I again?

Currently missing: stiletto heels, designer purses, and oh wait, actual fashion.

* Nipples and chest hair seen through and over button down shirts, due to lack of wearing an undershirt, will hitherto be referred to as VN&IHS (short for visible nipples and inappropriate hair spillage).