Why Be a Waugal Watcher When You Can Train Greyhounds?

One of H’s colleagues resigned today so that he could kick-off November in a new career. Six months ago he used some savings he had acquired working overseas to buy a share in a greyhound. The dog lost its first race spectacularly and its trainer, who was working for free in exchange for a percentage of the dog’s winnings, threatened to quit. Over the weekend, the dog won its race, the second one it has competed in. He decided that in lieu of paying the trainer, he would quit his six figure job and train the dog himself. His goal is to purchase shares in additional greyhounds or be hired by others to train their greyhounds and live off his earnings from that and his winnings from betting on his dog. Apparently in Australia, people train greyhounds by setting them loose in a paddock with a kangaroo or two and letting the animals chase each other. The preferred practice used to be setting the dog after rabbits, but this practice of "live kills" is technically illegal. The legal protection may be unnecessary, as racing dogs have been bred to the point that they are unable to catch any game in the wild. On the track they only need to run in a (relatively) straight line. The ability to stop, turn or do anything else is neglected in the breeding practice. All it takes is one quick change of direction by the intended prey, and the pursuing dog falls tail over head with it's paws in the air. Of course to oversee this training, it’s essential to always have a cold beer in hand. Good luck Anonymous Colleague; you are certainly going to need it.

Steel Toe Boots, Safety Glasses and Silicone Implants

A health and safety e-mail was circulated at work today on snake awareness.  It provided images of common snakes found in the work environs, what to do if you see a snake, what to do if you’re bitten by a snake, and various snake alert hotlines to call.*

I briefly contemplated forwarding a link to the below news article on the Israeli model who walked away relatively unharmed from a snake bite courtesy of her silicone implants:

"[Update] Snake Dies of Silicone Poisoning After Biting Model's Fake Breast 

It was another trip to the Garden of Eden cut short for one legless reptile.  Israeli model Orit Fox was attempting to lick a snake during a publicity stunt for radio DJ Shmulik Tavar when the lucky serpent, presumably aroused, lunged forward and bit Fox's fake breast, sending witnesses into a frenzy.

Fox, who is rumored to have the largest bosom in all of Israel, was hurried to a hospital outside Jerusalem where she received a tetanus shot and was later discharged. 

As for the snake, puckering up with a supermodel proved to be the kiss of death. The creature succumbed to silicone poisoning shortly after the incident.

Update: It appears that AOL Weird News was snake-bitten along with other major news organizations. Reports now indicate that the snake that bit model Orit Fox's breast did not die of silicon poisoning.

A video of the bite was posted on the gossip blog Oh No They Didn't on March 3, followed by the quip: "The snake later died from silicone poisoning."

That statement -- presumably posted in jest -- was then reported as a fact in publications around the world. But animal experts now say it's impossible that the snake died of silicon poisoning, mainly because snakes don't suck blood when they bite.

"Snakes can eat some really sick animals and not contract mammalian diseases. So I have not heard of a snake getting sick or dying after biting a human," Mark Kilby, owner of the Luray Zoo and Luray Reptile Center, told Life's Little Mysteries. 

"I can't see the boa constrictor that bit that model getting any of the contents of the material from the implant, being silicone or saline, in its mouth to cause any ill effect to the boa."

It's unclear what -- if anything -- killed the snake, though sources told Discover Magazine that the snake might have perished when it was yanked off of Fox's chest.

We apologize for the mistake and would like to assure our readers that we never intend to peddle in snake oil."
Courtesy of AOL News

Who would have known that breast implants can form a useful part of one’s PPE, along with steel toe boots, hard hats, flame retardant pants (preferably low rise and boot cut) and safety goggles?  It seems like Chavez should stop trash talking breast implants.  Safety first!

*Courtesy of the health and safety bulletin, I found a new job opportunity to go along with Waggyl Watching, Marine Mammal Observer and Native Animals Who Have Been Mortally Injured by Heavy Mortal Equipment Killer with Rocks: registered snake catcher.  

Pass Me the Binoculars, New Careers Await!

At a BBQ last night, I learned about a slew of Australian career opportunities:

Waugal Watching: 
A Waugal is a snakelike dreamtime creature that Aboriginals consider to be responsible for creating waterways and landforms around Western Australia.  When works are undertaken in these places, “Waugal Watchers” are employed to make sure that no Waugals are hurt or disturbed in the process.  The proper set-up for Waugal Watching includes lawn chairs and beer (or another alcohol or drug of choice) by the water.  Intoxication is required.

Marine Mammal Observer:

Marine Mammal Observers (MMOs) are charged with looking out for marine mammals near the area of offshore oil and gas exploration, particularly during seismic studies.  MMOs must identify the marine mammals they observe and pause the use of air guns while the mammal is in the area in order to minimize noise pollution.  One to three day courses are available to become a certified MMO.  It’s almost like going for a paid whale watching tour.

Native Animals Who Have Been Mortally Injured by Heavy Mobile Equipment Killer With Rocks:
Certain places in Western Australia have unique animal wildlife in areas that are used for oil, gas, iron ore, and other mineral exploration and production (ex. Barrow Island).  These animals are protected and monitored by environmental specialists but often get struck by heavy mobile equipment traversing the roadways at night.  When these animals are mortally injured, they need to be put out of their pain.  For some reason, medication is not available to do this with.  Thus someone is called in to deliver blunt blows to the animals’ heads using large rocks.  Lovely!

I may need to consider a change in careers to take advantage of all of the new job opportunities that Australia has to offer!