Only in Australia

My parents are coming to visit us in Australia and are in the process of planning their itinerary.  My Dad e-mailed a company about a snorkel trip:

Dear Anonymous Snorkel Company,

I am interested in booking a snorkel trip in December.  Can you please advise what the weather conditions are in December and what stinger suits are?

Thanks,

Anonymous Dad

The Anonymous Snorkel Company’s response:

Dear Anonymous Dad,

The conditions in December are lovely.  Stinger suits are lycra suits that we provide to keep you protected in the water from stingers. 

Looking forward to your booking,

Anonymous Snorkel Company

Looking forward to our booking?  Yeah right.  This is Australia, doesn’t anybody remember Steve Irwin?  Time to look into some land based activities.  Or perhaps snorkelling in a different body of water.

Dear Australia,

You are brilliant.

XOXO,

Anonymous Expat

Kangaroo Crossing

I have endless stories to post about my visit to site earlier in the week once I recover from my 4:00AM departure to the airport.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with this snippet from the trip:

Manager (M) driving the totally pimped out rental SUV (flashing light, flag, and snorkel) down the absolutely empty, 100% straight road through the outback:  Have you seen any kangaroos yet?

Me:  Only in the zoo; I'm waiting to see one in the wild.  Although C (my colleague who was sleeping sitting in the backseat) told me that he ran over a huge kangaroo last weekend.  Or rather, that he ran over a huge kangaroo that the car in front of him had hit and then run over.

M: Yeah, 'roos are pretty stupid.  They'll hop into your parked car.  There are a ton around here though.  When I was living out here I hit three in one night.

Me:  Three?  I would have abandoned my car and walked after hitting the second one.  Wait a second, why are you the one who is driving with that kind of a track record?

My company is so obsessed with safety that I can't drive a rental car on site visits until I complete a safe driving course and learn to drive a manual, but M is deemed fit to drive with a track record of hitting three kangaroos in a single night.  And did I mention that he didn't realize the car had a sixth gear until he tried to reverse it about three hours after starting our drive?  Good thing I was decked out in head to toe PPE.  And I have to laugh because Western Australia might not have any semblance of style or designer brands but I was given Bollé safety glasses for my trip.  H might have been slightly jealous when he saw them.  I know what someone is getting for his birthday...