New Birthday Wish List

Dear H,

Since moving from Perth, I've added a few alternative options to my birthday wish list.  While I appreciate the caring motivation behind the desire to get me rec specs, I would much prefer something else.  For years, I've wanted a puppy, but now that we live in the United Kingdom, I would also take a hairy coo:

More specifically, I would love a baby hairy coo:

I still have an outstanding desire for a mercenary, but given our current location, I would happily accept a butler.  One that has good connections to get us into castles and distilleries in the winter season and who is an expert at pouring tea would be preferred.  I know just the person if you can persuade him to come work for us.  I would also greatly appreciate it if the butler was able to make the meager heating systems here warm our house.  For some reason British people think that heating a piece of metal in the corner of a room will warm a whole house, trust me it doesn't.

While they may fail on the radiator front, Brits definitely get an A+ for their seemingly widespread use of heated towel racks.  This falls into the future birthday category (don't worry, I'll still be turning 26), but I would really love to have heated towel racks in all future homes. 

Don't worry H, I haven't forgotten about you.  For your birthday I'm getting you the top item on your list, a pair of dictator sunglasses.  Putin has them, Gaddafi had them, now you can have them.  Might I suggest that you consider adding a white Toyota Hilux to your birthday wish list to compliment them?

Love,
Anonymous Expat

Only Me

Apparently it's possible to lose one's eyeglasses on an airplane.  I'm not talking about eyeglasses that have been carried on in a purse or carry-on bag; I'm talking about eyeglasses that are actually being worn on one's face.  A few hours into the first leg of our very long flight to our new location, I woke up 100% blind.  In my sleep, I had removed my eyeglasses and put them somewhere...

I quickly shook H awake and told him what happened.  H patted me down, patted himself down and then turned on the overhead light to investigate the whole area around our seats.  No luck.  He handed me my contacts so I could search too.  About 15 minutes later, I finally found my glasses under my seat.  I have no idea how they got there.  They were sandwiched between the feet of the person behind me and the bar of my chair.  H told me he's getting me rec specs for my birthday with a matching eyeglass chain for our next long haul flight.

I like this better for my birthday, I'm just saying:

Kangaroo Crossing

I have endless stories to post about my visit to site earlier in the week once I recover from my 4:00AM departure to the airport.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with this snippet from the trip:

Manager (M) driving the totally pimped out rental SUV (flashing light, flag, and snorkel) down the absolutely empty, 100% straight road through the outback:  Have you seen any kangaroos yet?

Me:  Only in the zoo; I'm waiting to see one in the wild.  Although C (my colleague who was sleeping sitting in the backseat) told me that he ran over a huge kangaroo last weekend.  Or rather, that he ran over a huge kangaroo that the car in front of him had hit and then run over.

M: Yeah, 'roos are pretty stupid.  They'll hop into your parked car.  There are a ton around here though.  When I was living out here I hit three in one night.

Me:  Three?  I would have abandoned my car and walked after hitting the second one.  Wait a second, why are you the one who is driving with that kind of a track record?

My company is so obsessed with safety that I can't drive a rental car on site visits until I complete a safe driving course and learn to drive a manual, but M is deemed fit to drive with a track record of hitting three kangaroos in a single night.  And did I mention that he didn't realize the car had a sixth gear until he tried to reverse it about three hours after starting our drive?  Good thing I was decked out in head to toe PPE.  And I have to laugh because Western Australia might not have any semblance of style or designer brands but I was given Bollé safety glasses for my trip.  H might have been slightly jealous when he saw them.  I know what someone is getting for his birthday...