Oddbins, Odd Name and Odd Commentary

On Friday I was searching for a couple of bottles of wine to bring to a friend's party.  Given that I was feeling a little bit lazy (and it looked like it was going to pour), I decided to browse nearby wine stores' websites to get an idea of their inventory / what I wanted before going out.  This turned into the best idea ever.  I learned that on Oddbins' website, can you browse by food and wine pairings including but not limited to:

• Offal (Perhaps if I drank enough wine first I would consider serving this?  Who am I kidding, I would never serve offal.) 
• Lentils (Are there really people out there concerned with what wine pairs well with lentils?) 
• Venison and game (Glad we're not limiting the category to venison.)
• Pork and bacon (Happy to see that bacon is important enough to get its own classification, albeit within the pork category.)
• Eggs (Why yes, I always worry what wine I should serve with eggs.  Oh wait, strike that, it would be champagne for mimosas.)

If you can't decide / don't know precisely the food that's being served, no worries, Oddbins also offers the choice of browsing/buying wines by occasion.  I definitely understand the dinner party wines, celebration wines, and party wines categories.  But then they branch out to weekending wines, discovery wines and contemplation wines.  Really???

Dear Oddbins,

Please advise what wine to drink while sitting reflectively by a stream, watching the clouds float by when it's precisely nine degrees Celcius outside and the sun is partially shining but I keep getting distracted from my 'contemplation' by checking Facebook on my iPhone.  In case it matters, it's an iPhone 4, not 5.  And let's just say it's for a Tuesday early afternoon.

Thanks,
Anonymous Expat

The fun doesn't stop there though as once you actually click through to a specific wine, in addition to the J. Peterman type review, you get a four bullet synopsis under the following four categories:


 
 


Each wine has its own unique categorization and they're all hilarious.  Favorites include:

You need your funny bone tickled

House of Fun by Madness

Wa-hey, that's the spirit!

Between laughter

and

You like who you are

"Independent Women" by Destiny's Child

Nobody's going to change me

Local produce

and

After a near miss

Stayin Alive

About insurance

Spicy Thai

and

You're having a strange dream

"Everybody's Happy Nowadays" by Buzzcocks

Is this real?

Ripe brie, before bed.

I could copy and paste indefinitely or you can go check it out yourselves.  It's time for me to crack open one of the bottles that corresponds with one of the above 'reviews.' 

What Making New Friends Looks Like (As an Expat)

Post-it note I left in the kitchen for H this afternoon:

Dear H,

Remember how I came home last week with a Tiffany blue calling card from a new acquaintance?  Well, I've been invited over to her house for wine this afternoon.  If I go missing (aka if I'm not home when you get back from work), please phone the police.

Xoxo,
Anonymous Expat


Addendum: Turns out this note was unnecessary / unhelpful.  1. H never came home from work last night.  2.  I had such a nice time at this non-crazy woman's house that I was parked there for hours without even realizing it and was not cut up into a million little pieces and eaten for dinner.  3.  I was having so much fun that I missed two calls from H...good thing he never saw my note and hence had no inclination to phone the police.

Addendum Two:  The next time I walk to someone's house with a bottle of wine midday, I should probably put it in a bag.  What wouldn't have gotten a second glance in Perth, definitely got some stares here.  Or maybe people were just staring at me since I decided to dress like it is spring since it's now April, despite the fact that it's currently 32 degrees.

The New Necessary

Maybe we're tired, maybe we're nuts, or maybe we're just really easily amenable to the power of suggestions.  Whatever the case, I'm not sure if it's really safe to let H or I go shopping this week.

After a marathon of Downton Abbey, I came home with this claret.  For 3.89 GBP, I couldn't resist.  I did resist the crystal goblets to drink it out of (you're welcome H).  But I wouldn't say no to a butler to serve it; sadly I never did unwrap one for my birthday.  Alas, if I got my butler, I would probably need to get some appropriate glassware.

Not to be outdone in weirdness, after a glorious lunch of dim sum, I found H at the checkout line of the neighboring Chinese supermarket with these two giant bamboo steamers:

 

Apparently these are necessary to steam the frozen dim sum he had also selected.  Forget the fact that the rice cooker has been used to do the very same thing for the past three years and the fact that we have two small cabinets in our tiny kitchen to store all cookware and containers in.  Two steamer baskets + one lid, each with a diameter of ~16 inches = NECESSARY.  However, as the official sous-chef/chief taster for Master Chef H, I can't really object to his kitchenware selections.

One day I'll have to do a pictorial inventory of our overseas kitchenware titled either What Our Kitchen Cabinets Look Like After Moving Overseas in Four Suitcases and Leaving Behind All of the Gorgeous Items From Our Bloomingdale's Wedding Registry or Expat Kitchen Essentials.  Either way, prepare to be astounded.

Let’s Just Ignore that Friends are Supposed to be a Reflection of Oneself

This morning’s instant message conversation with Julz:

Me:  I can’t really be bothered to cook for myself.

Julz: Cooking is never an option unless someone else is doing it… you have to takeout dinner and then slowly work your way down to cereal.

Me:  Complementing a cereal dinner with a nice bottle or two of wine always makes me feel better about it.

Julz:  If you’re doing a white based cereal, then match it with a nice white wine.  If you’re going a more wholemeal cereal, then a red would do the trick.  Maybe a nice merlot.

Me:  I like your cereal wine pairing.  You could be a sommelier.

Julz:  Don’t forget the dessert wine; it’s a really a nice way to cap off a cereal meal.  For a good dessert wine that goes with all cereal types, try Nobel One.

Me:  Is it cane cut or moscato or something else?

Julz:  It has alcohol and is sweet.

Me:  Maybe you shouldn’t change careers quite yet.  Now I could use some wine though and it’s not even 10:00 AM.

Julz: Well, it’s 10:00 PM in New York.

Me: Thanks Julz, I like the way you think.

Julz: No probs.

Name That Animal

Yesterday I got to stroke koalas and feed and pet kangaroos which was absolutely amazing.  I also discovered what may be one of my new favorite Australian animals....

I'll drink a tipple of Margaret River wine in honor of anyone who guesses correctly.  Imagine seeing one of these in your backyard!

One Bad Apple and a Naughty Nut

Australia is extraordinarily focused on defending its borders against pests and diseases found elsewhere in the world and out-of-state.  Customs exist for both interstate and inter-country travel and customs dogs abound searching not just for drugs but also for contraband food.  The last time I was in the domestic airport, I picked up one of the below customs notices:

Turns out that it's just one in a series.  At least someone has a sense of humor...

One Bad Apple and a Naughty Nut

• "Next time you travel into Western Australia, plan your trip and supplies so that all your fruit and vegies go into your tummy instead of a bin!'

When Honey's Not So Sweet

• "Next time you travel into Western Australia, please don't bring honey or, if you do so accidentally, bin it or declare it.  Please consider our healthy, busy bees- you don't want to be the person responsible for turning their buzz off."

Hear It On the Grapevine

• "Please help us in protecting Western Australia by not carrying quarantine risk material- and we'll drink a toast to you."

Don't mess around with customs; you don't want to be like one of my friends who got pulled aside in customs in Australia for not declaring the shell necklace she was wearing.  She was served with an official notice and was told that she is now on some kind of customs watch list.

Just remember to declare or beware!

Aloha Australia

My Mom arrived in Perth and is busy taking in all of the Western Australian sights.  She is:

• Counting the number of visible nipples through men’s button down dress shirts
• Marvelling over the variety of choices in high visibility workwear
• Being in awe about the high frequency of occurrence of viewing high visibility workwear in all types of places including so-called nice restaurants
• Being amazed that beer o’clock is actually every o’clock
• Exclaiming over the cost of everything in WA; did someone say $12 pre-packaged sandwiches, $20+ sit-down lunches and $7 coffees?
• Learning about, watching and enjoying Junior MasterChef; not yet enjoying the viewing pleasure of RBT and Border Security
• Noticing the frequency of shark spotting in the news

She has already decided that she is:

• Not setting foot in any body of water except an enclosed pool
• Not purchasing any clothes in Australia
• Not eating kangaroo

I’ll have to see if I can talk her out of any of the above.  After all, she will be visiting the Great Barrier Reef.  Still to come is some real Australian wildlife viewing and I am not talking about the kind that involves barefoot people in public spaces including malls, restaurants and bathrooms or large men in very short high visibility shorts with high visibility knee socks.  I’m thinking more along the lines of kangaroos, koalas and quokkas.  And maybe somewhere along the way we’ll squeeze in a meat pie tasting along with enjoying the local wines.  

God Save the Queen

Today I decided to go wine shopping, specifically sparkling wine shopping.  H is away working and I thought that wine shopping would be a good activity to take advantage of not being in the Middle East.  First off, I walked to the wine store and walking anywhere in Qatar was nearly impossible due to the lack of sidewalks, the heat, and the insane drivers, many of whom would actually speed up on the rare occasion that they saw a pedestrian or cyclist crossing the road in front of them.  Secondly, I can actually buy wine here.  In Qatar there was one liquor store which you needed a license to shop at and our license was in H's name.  Thus wine shopping was an activity I couldn't do alone.

After breakfast this morning I set out in beautiful, sunny, 70° spring winter weather for the wine store.  And what did I find?

Queen Adelaide Sparkling Wine.  I had to get it.  I've found that Australians are on occasion more nostalgic for all things British than actual British people are and this wine exemplifies that.  Google Queen Adelaide and you'll find that she is best remembered in Australia, specifically Southern Australia, which was founded during the brief reign of her husband, King William IV, and where the capital city of Adelaide is named after her.  You'll also find that once his marriage to Adelaide was arranged, the future King wrote to one of his 10 illegitimate children that, "Adelaide is doomed, poor dear innocent young creature, to be my wife."  Tell me, is this really something to toast to?

Wine and Cheese, Beer and Vurst

Over the weekend, H and I went on a tour of the Swan Valley wine country with H’s company. We showed up at H’s office promptly at 9:45 AM for the 10:00 AM bus departure. Shockingly promptly at 10:00 AM, we boarded the bus. Five minutes later, we disembarked. Why? The bus lacked seat belts which per H’s company’s safety policy, was not allowed. Safety first! Cowboys wear chaps, Eskimos wear fur, engineers wear coveralls and seatbelts.

It took about forty minutes for a bus with seatbelts to arrive, during which time I got a very enjoyable tour of H’s new office, very different and much nicer than the one in Doha, despite the lack of Tea Boys to hand deliver coffee, tea, biscuits, and fresh fruit. At about 11:00 we finally departed to Swan Valley wine country and were reminded by the ‘tour guide’ to pace ourselves through the two vineyards and two breweries as we would be sampling about sixteen different wines and up to ten different beers.

The first vineyard left us almost a bottle per person to pour our tastes ourselves. Unsurprisingly, there was nothing left when we departed less than an hour later. The only real winner of the bunch was a late harvest dessert wine but nothing was terrible. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for the second vineyard. Some of the wines were so terrible that I was almost tempted to dump some of my samples onto the grass. The only redeeming factor of the vineyard was the local assorted cheese plates that they provided alongside of the wine. The creamy cheddar was so good that we bought a wedge to take home.

The real winner of the day was Duckstein Brewery where we sampled the entire range of their incredibly delicious micro-brewed beers and had a tasty and fun pork-filled lunch, accompanied by live music. (After two years in a pork-free country, H and are going a bit crazy with the pig consumption). Having recently visited Berlin, let me just say that this beer was even better than the motherland brews! I recommend visiting and tasting them all, H and I will definitely be going back! As my tour guide of Potsdam said “some fun there can be had!”